The Course and the Cross: Jeff Healey's Christian Testimony

I've known Jeff Healey since 1998. At first, he was one of my graduate students in a counseling program at Sul Ross State University in Alpine, Texas. Then he became a fellow counseling professional, a friend, and now a trusted friend and brother in Christ.

Over the years, I've known that God laid out a challenging course for Jeff to follow. The path to the Cross is seldom easy. That's why I'm honored to introduce you to his testimony. I believe his Christian testimony will bless you. It is profoundly personal and took courage to share it. He wrote it in 2021 while in "Celebrate Recovery."

Jeff Healey: Ironman for Christ

Not everyone realizes they have a cross to bear, but we all know we have a life course to follow. Some discover at an early age that their life course is full of potholes, mud puddles, and the occasional stretch of smooth pavement. Others seem to follow a life course in luxury--hands free--convertible top down and sunglasses on. Cool.

But God seems especially drawn to the marathoners, the triathletes, the Ironman competitors of life who follow a course that few can endure. Jeff is one of these people who has continued running the race despite the pain and suffering. He has cycled through life's endless uphill grades and now sees the valley below. At some point, God told Jeff to pick up His cross and follow a different course. Jeff said "yes" to God's invitation.

Those of us with similar testimonies know that following God's course--running His race--makes all the difference. Perhaps God will use Jeff's testimony to make all the difference in your life course. I pray this is so!

"...and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,.." Hebrews 12:1

Jeff Healey's Christian Testimony (Celebrate Recovery, 2021)

My name is Jeff Healey, and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with alcoholism, anxiety, and depression. We were asked to pick some favorite scripture to share…. I’ll start with

proverbs 3:5-6. “Cast all your cares upon the lord for he will carry you and make your paths straight.”

So many times, I have leaned on this one…….when everything around me was falling apart. I even had it tattooed on my shoulder many years ago. I was born in one of the worst snowstorms in Chicago history………no visitors for at least a week…. maybe a precursor of things to come and much later an awakening of what one can overcome when holding hands with Christ. 

Both my parents were alcoholics…high school dropouts. My dad was a very explosive, violent man. Very unpredictable and he loved to embarrass us in public…. like some sort of demonic food he needed. I have an older brother of 3 years and a younger sister of 3 years. We didn’t stand a chance from the get-go! We feared him along with everyone else who knew him. The neighbors knew of his reputation but stayed clear. In those days people didn’t mess with other people’s business. So many times, they could have intervened. I’m thankful for the shift in that mentality these days. CPS would have come in handy. 

I have difficulty recalling past events……trauma does that to our brains in some funky way to protect us ... ..one memory stands out……at 4 years of age…... .my birthday party….my little friends standing around a cake. And I remember they had cute, little hats on. My dad pulled in the driveway…. slammed open the front door…. drunk! He ripped the curtains down and yelled in his drunken dark stupor for everyone to get the Fuck  out of his house. Happy Birthday. Too many stories of that nature and none with a happy ending.  He ripped our family life to shreds! 

Obviously no 4-year-old has the psycho analytical tools to reflect with “Gee dad…. you have some past hurts you need to work on.”  No. I have what is built into all our physiological systems….to help us navigate. The Sympathetic nervous system…also known as “fight or flight” Cortisol and adrenaline pumping through your body to deal with an emergency. We got started early on this flight plan…. That’s why when I took my first drink at such a young age, it washed over me like a warm blanket…. a reprieve (albeit short term and destructive) that gave me some temporary peace. 

We moved to Ohio around the same age as my first drink. And it only gets worse. After about 6 months he disappeared. My stay-at-home mom started waiting tables at Village Inn and we took on roommates to cover the mortgage. The stress was palpable. Often, we couldn’t find my younger sister…. her new safe place hiding under her bed. My older brother was off the chain angry….and his aggressive outbursts fueled explosive situations. We lost our home. 

Mom was maxed out in terms of stress, and these were times with horribly high interest rates and crazy inflation. No family around to help. We moved into an apartment. A lot of crying, a lot of tears. I know all the Helen Reddy songs by heart ... .my mom’s source of fuel to keep her moving “I am woman…hear me roar.”  Mom was doing her best but there was no support or family available to soften the blows. She was so vulnerable and broken, crying daily. I’d make my best attempts to tell her everything is going to be ok. I was often overcompensating for my brother’s difficult, violent behavior, trying to be a good boy. I was trying to take care of a parent.  

Mom met another man…red flags everywhere. The wild west on a runaway freight train. She married and the abuse continued. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon to venture into another abusive relationship where self-esteem is low, and vulnerability is high. Once again, we saw too often mom in a puddle of tears, bruised and battered. If you’ve ever had the horrific experience of witnessing this type of situation, try putting on your backpack and going to school after that. 

On one occasion after he beat her up badly……. he locked himself in his bedroom because my older brother and I were going to kill him. Luckily the door held as we were trying to rip it off its hinges. Mom called the police to save him from us. I have zero doubt we would have ended him! Four years of chaos with him finally convinced mom to get a divorce.  We would learn later that he sexually abused my younger sister of 10 years old. 

We moved out and with help from friends and God’s miraculous intervention allowed mom to buy her very own condo……a small two bedroom…but we had our own home. Unfortunately, the groundwork for more trouble had been laid. We never attended church except for the obligatory candlelight service once a year. No unity and no sense of direction. We didn’t celebrate anything together.  It was all about survival. 

My mom was extremely stressed and ramped up her vodka in a coffee cup habit…. I often snuck sips when she was napping. My brother’s temper escalated, and no boundaries or consequences were ever in place. I was his favorite target…often going to school banged up and visibly bruised. I was asked at times what was going on by some teachers and always had a good cover story. 

My ninth-grade year, grades began to plunge! I was arrested for shoplifting and quickly becoming a juvenile delinquent. My brother Mike was out of control! No dad in sight except for the occasional out of the blue phone call. A lot of empty promises unfulfilled. No child support…nada! Despite the insanity, I had some tenacity and motivation to want to move forward in a positive way. My thesis paper required to get my master’s degree was all about Human Resilience. A

 fascinating topic. I ran my first marathon at 14 years of age….my dad made the comment that he ran them all the time…. always minimizing.  He lived in Wisconsin to avoid making child support payments. I had a newspaper route and was so proud to be a crossing guard. I wanted so badly to be a cub scout…. but no one was available to get me to and from the meetings. I did get to compete in the derby car thing ... .I took my car out of her paper bag; she wasn’t as spiffed up as her competitors, I knew I was competing against a lot of Dads. She finished last but I was just happy to show up.

The warm blanket magic of drinking took hold during early high school. I worked out and played ice hockey/lacrosse…. I did my best in school but that awful “feeling like an outsider” was deep inside of me. Never feeling “good enough” or “not fitting in” was all I knew. I somehow graduated high school with a minimal gpa yet good enough to go to Ohio State. I even accepted Christ into my heart before my freshman year……that commitment faltered fast as my drinking career really took off. I stayed active with my running, but Vodka was how I re-hydrated. My panic attacks began, and the anxiety/depression would become a part of my daily existence. I had no idea what was going on with me……I didn’t know I had a problem and certainly no information about trauma, depression/anxiety, affects from divorce, etc.…etc.…I wasn’t spending much time with Jesus either. 

Graduated miraculously with a liberal arts degree and no idea what to do next. My brother had been kicked out of Ohio State and moved to Texas to focus on his cycling career. He was a gifted athlete…and rode in the same circles as Lance Armstrong.  He used to comment that his main source of fuel was anger.  With no idea what to do I joined the Peace Corps and served a few years in West Africa. I remember drinking a full container of Ny-Quill so I could get on the plane……the panic attacks were relentless. My drinking was now at an international level😊

Upon my return to the US, I moved out to El Paso, TX and got my bilingual teaching certification. I was still running and doing marathons…….and of course drinking. The depression was so bad……a black hole and I had to deal with a room full of sixth graders. I went to see a psychiatrist before my second year of teaching and was prescribed Paxil. Placebo or not it seemed to take the edge off. I was probably advised not to drink but that didn’t happen. 

Spent about 5 years in El Paso, broke up with the girlfriend, resigned from my job and moved to the Dominican Republic for some volunteer work…. the drinking being steady and daily. I also found out I had chronic Hepatitis B which I take daily medication to keep in check. A liver disease and a drinking problem is not a good combo. Moved to Austin, got a teaching job, and even bought a house. I sold it a few years later to keep mom from going bankrupt. 

Never should have sold it😊 Got a master’s degree in Counseling and somehow earned the Licensed Professional Counselor certification. Accepted an offer to work in Colombia…. I was in love with this place. Great job, awesome girlfriend, as they say in Spanish…. todo perfecto! Drank too much at the school Halloween dance and was fired the next day! Once again. No Jesus and a lot of drinking. Forced back to Texas…. picked up a counseling gig and ramped up my drinking. I felt I had lost everything…. but never knew I had a problem. Did the public-school counseling thing for another 4 years and accepted a position in Poland? Another international school. This was a world I just loved and felt like “I fit in” …. something about being around Ex-pats…. the sense of community and belonging…. I was home in these types of places. My drinking was steady and daily…. enjoying Polish Vodka. 

Returned to the states again……This time I’m working at the Alternative Learning Center for kiddos that get booted from their home school for a sort of time out until they can return. I bought a condo back when they were giving them away, kept my drinking career going, didn’t date anyone and saw family when possible. I told my sister to move down, and she also picked up a condo in my same unit. At this point she’s drinking like I am. My brother was also drinking heavily. He finally went to rehab at La Hacienda……in 2004. He would stay sober for about 8 years before a relapse which hasn’t stopped. I entered rehab by my own choice….in 2010. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. The 30 days were a blur. This was an AA 12 step program…. I didn’t get the message about alcohol not being the problem…. Like many others, I did my 30 days and thought it was all done. 

I really started feeling good…my running career took off and I started competing in Ironman competitions. Finishing a couple. I wasn’t working on any recovery program….it works if you work it and you’re worth it...was still just a concept to me.  After two years of sobriety, I felt great! I took a job in South Korea at an awesome international school. About the 2 ½ year mark I was set to fly to the Philippines for Christmas break. I met a cute woman at my school and invited her out. I started drinking Merlot with her thinking I can have a few…. classic relapse mind set. And since I wasn’t working a recovery program…I was primed for trouble. We sucked down a bottle and it was time to go home. Instead of getting a cab…I chose to drive. I never made it out of the parking garage. I backed into one car, side swiped another, then hit the parking toll booth with a woman inside. 

Everything was a blur….at one point I can remember being yelled at in Korean from a whole bunch of folks, including the police. They took me to their version of downtown. I’m still a bit under the influence of Merlot and they asked for identification. I gave them the driver’s license of a friend who had loaned me his car. They allowed me to go home but this nightmare was just getting started. The school executive group got the news fast…. scary fast. At one point I was looking at thousands of dollars in fines and 10-15 years in prison. This took a huge toll on me and what nerves I had left. I was praying a lot! My drinking didn’t stop. More insanity.

Miraculously, I was given a $5,000 dollar fine and no jail time. The good ‘ole boy network at this highly prestigious school saved my butt. I finished my two-year contract, but they couldn’t extend it due to the accident. I even ran a 100K event with a friend…. with whiskey in my veins. Once again back in Texas…. demoralized and sinking fast. I am back in Austin and back in public schools which I had sworn off many moons ago. 

At this time my brother is involved in a domestic violence situation which leads to his divorce. He had two three-year old’s, trying to maintain his business and deal with unwanted legal fees. He was booted out of the house, lost his business, and racked up ridiculous heavy attorney fees. In addition to coming up with child support and trying to be a dad, he was dealing with his own heavy drinking, depression, etc. He moved in with me. God help us! At one point he had a fully loaded 9mm pointed at his head…then he pointed the gun at me. I should’ve called the cops but was too worried about his mental health at the time and knew he was on overload…. I just didn’t realize that I was overloading myself. He finally got his own place and is trying to get it together. Around this time, my sister was picked up for a DWI. The trifecta. 

About a year later….I decided to head to the liquor store on a Saturday afternoon to celebrate my birthday. I bought my usual 2-dollar pint of Vodka which they had already placed on the counter when they saw me come in. A regular. I didn’t even care about rotating liquor stores at this point to have some sort of anonymity. I got in my car, took a swig, and placed the pint between my legs. Started up and backed up right into another car……I calmly put the pint in the glove box and got out of the car. Talked to the owner of the other vehicle and he said, “Don’t worry about it ... .no damage done.”  Another miracle! I have been sober  ever since. The longest period of my life. My mom also got sober!

Pandemic time. Sobriety became priority number one. And not just putting the plug in the jug. I was determined to finally work the program. I finally got a sponsor…. Travis! That man took me step by step through the entire program. Some of my amends were so difficult for me to send I had a friend hit the send button for me. Travis even visited my home to cover the inventory and amends list. 

He listened to me for hours every day…. I called him every day! Always available, and offering such awesome words of encouragement, love, and acceptance. Charlie, no words can express how much your time and energy have meant to me. Rudy, Erik, and of course Greg…. I think these guys really love me.  Giving me love and acceptance that I need so much. Josh! You’ve made me a believer in angels on Earth. Thanks for your unconditional love and support. Ben. Who you are has been such a blessing to me. Thanks for being my friend and such an awesome person! And Jesus! I am working on our relationship but such a bonus to know how much he loves me. He’s been by my side the whole time. 

John 16:33 NIV Jesus says:  “My friend, whatever you are going through, know this, that I will be your support, and will stand by your side, I will strengthen you and by my grace will bring you through it all.” 

I didn’t have Thanksgiving this year with my family…... .I spent that time on South Padre to reflect, give thanks, and write my testimony.  2021.  Lost my Dad, mom hospitalized for lung disease, my siblings continuing to drink, a breakup with a girlfriend.  Good time to drink?  But I didn’t.  Life will not stop coming at any of us…. but we get to choose how we’re going to respond. I am so blessed with my Celebrate Recovery Family. I get to practice every day how I want to respond to life! 

Before my dad died, I flew up to Wisconsin to say goodbye to him with his declining health. Before I headed out to catch my flight, I gently took his hands into mine, and said a prayer….the first and only time we ever prayed together. He was no longer able to speak but I asked God to prepare a room for him in his kingdom, that I loved him and forgave him.  I saw a few tears trickle down the side of his cheek. I hugged him and wiped away my own. 

It works if you work it!  We’ll have better outcomes if we love and forgive ourselves and one another as our heavenly father has already done! I’m working on my trauma which runs deeper than I previously thought.  I’ve repaired many relationships even though some are not where I’d like them to be. God has blessed me with meaningful work, good friends, better health, and hope! His grace is amazing! I am currently sponsoring someone in recovery. Recovery is a program of action.

As I grow in my faith, I’m also sharing my faith.  His capacity to love and forgive is beyond our scope of understanding. I just know it works for me and can work for others. I just want to add that I don't care for the anecdotal, cliché  statement:  “What doesn’t break you makes you stronger.” I’m broken. Sometimes we’re not stronger. Sometimes it’s not a golden opportunity. Sometimes I don’t understand God. And it’s perfectly okay! I sometimes know what my plans are but cannot possibly understand the breadth and scope of God’s plans for me. I seek out Christ and love him because of my struggles. I know better than to shake my fist at God while asking him “Why me?”  He loves and forgives me every day. That’s so cool!

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

I’m learning to like who I am. I hope one day to meet Jesus…and he puts his arm around me and says: “I love you and I know you did the best you could.” 

Thanks for letting me share😊

Like my own journey from spiritual sleepwalking to purpose-driven ministry described in "Why Are We Here?", Jeff's story shows how God wastes nothing in preparing us for His purposes.